It Okay, Don’t Be Cry – How To Pay Off Your Student Loans Faster


It seems that lately, there’s been a lot of talk in the news about student loan reform (or lack thereof). Like many young Americans, it often feels like my sole purpose in this world currently is to pay back my crushing debt. I thought I’d share with you a few of my helpful, money saving tips to help pay a little extra on your loans.

  • Consider getting a roommate. I hear your parents have a room available. Plus, it will still have all your teenage posters on the walls, so you won’t have to spend any money on furnishings or decorations!
  • Breakfast is the most optional meal of the day.
  • Do you really need that medication you take every day? Have you tried just praying the sickness away instead?
  • Never pay full retail by shopping at thrift stores. If thrift stores are too expensive, try rummaging in your neighbor’s garbage. I saw them throw away a perfectly good lamp yesterday.
  • Tears of despair make an excellent seasoning for your ramen noodles.
  • Create a budget. This will help you track where your money is going, and has the added bonus of helping you cry yourself to sleep at night when you’re lying awake thinking about all your debt.
  • Cancel your cable and get a streaming service like Netflix, Amazon Prime, or Hulu. Wait, those still cost money. Cancel those too, and entertain yourself by dreaming up elaborate scenarios to fake your own death and escape to a tropical island where your debt can’t follow you.
  • Going out with friends can add up quickly. Eliminate this expense by severing ties with all your friends.
  • Save your college ID and pretend that you’re still in school for all those sweet, sweet student discounts.
  • Look for a second job. It’ll put more money in your pocket, and you really can’t afford hobbies anyway.
  • Abandon your vices. Drinking and smoking are far too expensive. It’s not like you have anything you need to escape from, right?
  • Can’t afford to save up for emergencies/a rainy day? Prepare yourself mentally instead by hoping against hope that nothing happens to your car or health, and abandoning any hopes and dreams for the future.

I hope some of these help. By following these ideas, you can have your loans paid off in no time*!

*Still years and years later. Let’s be real here.


3 thoughts on “It Okay, Don’t Be Cry – How To Pay Off Your Student Loans Faster

  1. Atlas Cerise

    I studied, worked hard, and I passed

    All my courses at college—AT LAST!

    Now I’m slaving away

    To pay Sallie Mae

    Back this debt I have fucking amassed.

  2. Atlas Cerise

    My student debt fills me with dread.

    And a little voice says in my head:

    “When it comes to repaying

    You’d better be praying

    By the the time it’s paid off you’re not dead.”

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